Artist: Pierre-Edouard Frere
Jesus came into my life when I was three. I always try to imagine what it must have felt like. Dad says that it doesn't make you feel any different from how you were feeling two minutes before. But I'm sure there must be a peaceful feeling. And just the feeling of knowing that you have been adopted by Jesus and are going to heaven. It must be a wonderful, new thought. It still is a wonderful thought.
I found a journal of Mom's. She'd written to us when we were little, telling us about ourselves and she wrote our age and the date by each entry. She'd meant to keep it up till we got married, I suppose, but she stopped when we moved to the States.
Today, fourteen years ago, Mom wrote to me in her journal:
Today I believe that you repented of your sin and became a child of God. I had sent you to your bed for 'time-out' after discipline and said I was coming later to talk. I came...and we began discussing sin. I explained that your sins separate you from God, and you can't be His child. You asked me what happens. I told you that if God doesn't forgive your sins you will be punished when you die. You said, "Will I go to hell?" I said you would. You wanted to know if I could take them away for you and I told you I couldn't. You wanted to know why. I said because they are your sins and Jesus is the only one who can take them away. You then wanted me to pray for you. I said I couldn't pray for you but that you must ask Him yourself. I said I would pray with you if you wanted. You did want me to, so I led you in a prayer asking God to forgive you your sins and wash your heart clean. I said, "Now you are God's child forever." Your face was clear, and contentment and peace was evident . I believe that you truly repented and [were] saved from your sins today. What a privileged God gave me -- to lead you to Him. I stand in awe at His ways.
Calvin started thinking about heaven at about the same age as I did. His is a bit funny:
This morning you asked me if you will be going to Heaven, so I said that you would if Jesus has forgiven your sins and you want to do everything He says. You said that you do love Jesus and you want to live in heaven forever. My mother's heart was so touched by this honest, open confession and while I was revelling in this, you continued with, "I want to go to heaven so I can ride on the lions and tigers!!" So, I'm not sure now how much you do understand of true repentance.About four months later, when he was four years old, Jesus came into his life for sure:
Quite out of the blue and unrelated to riding lions and tigers in heaven, you asked me if I could ask Jesus to take your sins away. I said that I couldn't but you could ask Him yourself and He would. I told you what to say and with those bright, glossy, big, brown eyes wide open, you said, "Jesus, please take my sins away and make me your child." I suggested you phone Daddy and tell him, which you did after threatening him (Capt. Hook) with some of Peter Pan's frightening lines i.e. "I will fight you with one hand behind my back, you Cod Fish."
It's a blessing to be taught about sin since babyhood, but it is rather disappointing not to remember the date I was saved from mine. I grew up knowing I had to obey, knowing I'd get treasures in heaven for it, knowing where I was going when I died. It was rather second nature.
But, there seems to come a point in life when you wonder why you do it all. I hadn't prayed for a long time. I hadn't chatted with God for a long time. He was feeling distant.
[You're probably thinking, "Shocking! And coming from a pastor's daughter, too!" But, I don't want to write all rosebuds and sheet music].
I came to a point where I knew I had to make a decision. So, I rededicated my life to God. I told Him to take my heart and keep it and use it for His glory.
And, it wasn't anything amazing. So, I don't know.
Do you remember when you became God's child?
Hi Taralyn,
ReplyDeleteI was browsing through your blog, and was surprised that no one commented on this entry. So I'll add my thoughts.
"Dad says that it doesn't make you feel any different than how you were feeling two minutes before." My opinion is that everyone feels different when they first believe. Some are excited, others feel peaceful or joyful, while still others may not feel any different. The important thing is not what a person feels, but what a person believes.
Sometimes, I like to think of the gospel message without all the theological jargon. So, instead of "God will take away your sins," rephrase it to, "God will pardon you for your crimes." The meaning is the same, but the second sentence hits you harder.
"...it is rather disappointing not to remember the date I was saved from mine." I don't think too often about "This is the date I was saved." Instead, I think, "This is around the time when I became a Calvinist, when I believed in TULIP." Or, "This is the time when I embraced this other doctrine, or believed this or that teaching of Scripture." So when exactly did I "cross the line" from "unsaved" to "saved"? I don't know, and I don't think it's that important. Being a Christian is a process. The exact dates aren't so important.
"I came to a point where I knew I had to make a decision. So, I rededicated my life to God." Good for you! I can't tell if you're saying that this rededication happened really recently though.
Anyway, I enjoyed reading this. I don't know if I'll be notified if you respond to my comment (I'm not too familiar with how blogspot works...), so you can find me at church if you want to say anything.
Conrad
Hello Conrad,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comment and your thoughts.
That's true what you said about it not being important what a person feels, but what they believe.
I do think that if one is saved when they are older and have a long background of sin that the feeling peace is stronger than that of a *four-year-old* new-believer.
But, like you said and I believe, in the end it is not important. I only thank God for where I am now and what He has given me.
I think it was when I was fourteen. Fourteen was a difficult age, as well as one of the best =)
Thanks for reading! I enjoy getting comments.
Taralyn Rose